Psychology of Loneliness

For ppl reading this blog, those hu havent genuinely been lonely cant even begin to relate what i'm gonna pen down.

I always wanted to take time-off n think things thru, but it seems that is over-rated, i didn tak time off,but it was kinda forced upon me

Have been in total isolation for about a week now, i hav my family, but they r busy till the end of jan atleast coz of my sis's weddin, so why bother em with my silly probs in life

when loneliness consumes u, u wont even feel lik talkin to anyone, its a total paradox, but once u get into this depressed state of mind, u don feel lik gettin outta it even though u desperately want to. been thinkin about my life till now n guess wat i'm not satisfied
I mean i havent achieved anything which caused happiness to any1, there has only been ill feelings, jealousy, tears n a lotta fights, even for my parents, i havent given em bac an iota for the love and affection they hav showered on me, its always been a case of so near yet so far but wats the use of tht, winnin a race by a hair breadth or 10 km...it doesnt matter as long as u win, n second place gets ground into the dust..

Thnkin about what i want in life n i am sure the direction i am goin is not the one i want, but is there a shining light to show the alternative, NO......
I dont feel lik eatin, jus eat jus coz i know the body needs food 2 survive( n if i don eat, ppl will start noticin,n i dont want tht), now i just want to be alone, alone, alone......
My cell fone has been a busy thing for the past 4 yrs, in the las 3 days there were jus 1 call n 4 messages.
Its really sad that all my friends hav moved on to better things in life(better for em i.e) and thr r some ppl hu asks me 2 call em if i feel bored n when i do, they r busy beyond imagination n don return the call bac...i noe its not on purpose, they r busy with their life n career's but in the end no1 cares about me, n no1 listens to me
Been heartbroken in a lotta things in my life

U try to do stuff, but u'r mind dis-attaches itself from the things u see, i want peace but cant even sleep
i go out once in a day, drive around the city in my car n think, dats coz i force myself to get out, hopin against hope tht somethin will turn up,
There is nothin left in my life to hope 4 at the moment
I hope soon that i will be lik the masses who have a deluded version of reality

I feel lik my head is about to explode, there r no voices in my head tellin me to commit sucide but thr is a naggin feelin that i'm close, but i will fight it.

I'll be bac...ven....not even takin a wild guess

Consumed by this beast
I'll never be free

P.S- when u r lonely, u'r random playlist magically plays songs fit for the mood 9 times outta 10..mayb thr is some sense into this mind control thing after all