Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Emotional knapsack

Some questions were bubbling in my mind since whenever.


how do you trust somebody? how do you get somebody to trust you?


why is it so hard to confide in someone? how do you become someone's confidante?


when do you know its love? how do you know its love?


What I know is when you trust somebody, you confide in them. When you confide in them, you get involved. Once you start confiding you are testing the other fellow… their response, sensibility and ability to be a vault and all that stuff. That’s how you decide if it’s good to trust them or not.
If they are good enough to be trusted with your emotions they are good to be your partner.


I mean though it requires a lot of other stuff, but basically you need to connect on one level more than physical. Emotional...! If he/she's trustworthy that means he/she responds, is sensible enough and keeps your personal life personal. You like that. Humans by nature live in groups. Can’t do alone… they need somebody by their side. Now that you have found one it opens path for further emotions. Then you are bonded. You look for further enhancements in the relationship.


If it suits all your personal/physical needs, you get attracted. Its unintentional. You don’t go around weighing what you have got. If for once it clicks, you see a possibility and you try for it. Eventually if all goes right you find yourself in love.

And you go on with it trying, exploring. Once you reach a position where no matter what happens you always seem to get the peace with your partner, you miss them on every occasion possible, you keep thinking about him/her, blabber senseless stuff but more often than not your he/she is the protagonist, you can’t seem to go on one day without talking to him/her... that means you are in love.

And it works the same way for the others too, though relative, the process is the same. To the best of my knowledge… Conditions apply.


What if any of that goes missing, Trust or confiding or love?

What then? How do you tell yourself to improve? You don’t know what is going wrong.

You are not aware of the shortcoming. Was it all real? Was it all good?

Is that how it’s supposed to be? Or there should be a for love too?

What if you have the perfect match and it can't get any better than this?

How would you sort it out?


Watchya gonna do about that???

Saturday, January 10, 2009

First update from 09!

Me'lady lives in Mangalore, :D ,and its where my maternal grandparents live, so i've been a regular at Mangalore.
I was there only last week, and i noticed a few things that i had'nt paid too much attention to.
It was only the second time that i went there alone, so i was more concious of the surroundings. Previously when i used to go there with ma, i'd be blissfully unaware of anything, but then, trust me, Mangalore's changed tremendously from the sleepy slow city that i knew as a kid. The local buses are privatised, so there are hell lot of buses running from everywhere to everywhere else. So there was fierce competition among buses to get there first. Since the bus service is so good, other vehicles were hardly seen, except for the lone motorist occasionally. fast forward ten years, and we now have a cosmopolitan-as-hell Mangalore, with income flowing in from the Gulf and everywhere else. This has resulted in a tremendous increase in the number of private vehicles, and the worst part is that the number of buses as increased as well! So, on the same roads, there are buses and cars and what not too... This has resulted in the mess that is the traffic in Mangalore today.

I'm feeling a bit math-y today so let me try and sum up the situation by help of an equation:

butt-on-fire bus drivers+young guns in the hot seat+messed up roads=mayhem+a good chance that you'll get killed.

Lame, i know, but i never really WAS good at math... he he.

So bottom line is, avoid driving in Mangalore if you're not a local. You'll get killed.
On second thoughts, avoid crossing the roads during the day too. The bus drivers dont seem to regard pedestrians a reason strong enough to slow down for. :|

On the personal front, i've been very jobless lately sitting at home doing nothing, uselessy texting people useless things and spoiling the peace in the world.

gotta go, mom's hollering for dinner.

Raju bhai Raju bhai YES PAPA?

doing fraud? NO PAPA!

telling lies? NO PAPA!

open your account book! :D

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Tracing down memory lane...

I seem to be looking at my shadows,

The ones the world cannot see, but I can.

A question still happens to perplex me,

Is that a shadow or an image of me?

Like a rookie from the lanes of an imaginary circus,

He came into my life expecting nothing,

Nothing but a pass into my thoughts,

I laughed, if only I knew where the access lies.

Then I secretly mined my way,

Into the forbidden fortress of my past,

Tears gushed out, I broke my personalised dam.

I laughed, shocked, confused, happy and delighted.

Then I thought about my childhood,

They one I so much tried to hide and ignore,

I saw holes, the damamge was done,

My own life unfolded full of cracks.

There! I remember those fields!

That park full of magical creatures!

Stealing mangoes from my neighbour's yard,

How one of us got caught!!!

Mother and Grandmother feeding us,

Ah! Those specifications I demanded for,

Grandmother's stren denail,

My very own dharna...

I wondered why I ran away from me.

It then revealed itself slowly,

The monster that hid behind those times,

And I sat down devastated, lost.

Should I curse myself for taking that trip?

What did I expect to uncover?

Those pearls from my past were paste,

I knew that, what then did I want?

That put my life on pause,

I repeated to myself, forget, forget,

forget, forget, forget, and forget.

I hid myself from those eyes reading me.

I ran to my future, the one in my dreams,

Never again to turn back and too scared to look.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Lucky Boy….!

My confirmation is due. I’m completing one year in the company. I’ll now be a confirmed employee with higher pay and “trainee” removed from my designation. This is a process which my Project Leader has to initiate. There’s a link which appears in his workflow page which he has to initiate. It’s done for all associates who joined the company with me. Only 2 days remaining to complete the process. But for me... there’s no link appearing…!

I order maggie noodles. As per general knowledge, it takes 2 mins to prepare it. After waiting for 45 mins I call the canteen and cancel the order. Within two mins of the call the maggie appears out of nowhere. All set to go out, I’ve left my seat with my backpack clinging on to my shoulders, standing in the middle of the passageway to the exit. The waiter has handed me the bowl. I’m eating the Maggie there like some malnourished kid who just got food from heaven. People staring, I’m embarrassed.

Lunch time next day, I see one of my colleague has ordered “Chole Bhature”. I am tempted. I cajole one of my friends into eating it with me and order it from the canteen. Impatiently I finish my tiffin, eagerly waiting for the dish to arrive. Half an hour from the order, the waiter comes to tell me that “Chole” as finished. I think I’ll die famished.

My reliance phone’s battery is out. I plug the charger in the phone, find a socket, plug in the charger and boom. It explodes…! Like some preplanned controlled explosion to take away the power plant without affecting the city. Everybody’s looking at me. I can’t stop staring at the smoke coming out of the charger.

Finally my confirmation has been initiated. But it’s pending with my Group Leader. For the last 22 hours 30 mins. Today is the last day to complete the process.

I come home. Thinking, it’d be a god idea to get my old Nokia phone fixed. It’s got a broken strip wire and hence no display. I buy a new wire along with a charger for my reliance phone. It costs me Rs. 130 INR. I get home all excited, get my phone, screwdriver (4 mouthed) and start unscrewing the phone. There are two screws. One’s broken from top and stuck into the phone. Other has got its grooves blunted. The screwdriver is slipping over it. It’s jammed in too. I put my gymming at work. Somehow, with great embarrassment to all the people with an IQ over 110, I put in the strip just to find that the phone has stopped working completely. That’s 14 Gs down the drain. Plus i manage to break the Swiss Knife i was using to unscrew it (Dont aks me how).


I was sad, irritated and frustrated, such a bad ending to the year (Last 2 days). Then I was told that it happens. Shit happens. It’s not my fault. And I’ve got to be cheerful. Well damn right. I had no control over it and there’s no point sulking. Just need a little bit time to get over the overwhelming.

This is just a log. Doesn’t mean that I‘m sad or irritated. I’m rather sarcastically funny about it. Ask my colleagues and friends. They just can’t stop laughing.


Happy New Blah Blah Blah everybody…..!