Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Love Note...

I thought I'll take a shot at writing a love letter... Love,

I know it hasn’t been long that I left you (five minutes now?) but u see every single moment since then I kept thinking about all that I am missing out in those five minutes!
I don’t know what it means to just sit there and look at your face…
I think I know what you would be doing right now, going through that book shelf again, looking for one of those books on PHOTOGRAPHY, and did you know there’s this magical smile which spreads on your lips every time you find something new? So cute!
I hope you do remember that your cup of coffee is on the study table, but I am so sure that I’ll come back and find it there, untouched. Meanwhile you would go about reading the book, and then time for work.
Like a little child you sit down and write in your magical world! I left the curtains open, so the reflection from the pool would lighten up the room creating more magic around you. Its time now, you put the leash on Devil, take your wallet from the cupboard, get your car keys and there you go to pick Aurora up from school. I am so sure she fought with someone other kid today, she was telling me about a boy in class who teases her, I think she likes him!
So where would u go now?
Ah! I know the fast food joint, I miss these little meals you get to have with her sometimes, and she’s such a treasure…
Then the both of you make a detour to the bookstore; pick up a comic book for the bed time story, grab a few of your hallmark pencils and head back home. Time for Aurora to have a nap and for you to get back to your work…
It’s nearly time now! I may be back home any moment, I can see you trying to make her study, and I guess you better resolve to the original practise and make her act. The door bell rings and there’s a flurry of activity inside, I can hear Devil barking like crazy… and there you are!

See baby its been twenty minutes now and I spent a whole day with you, I calculated the other day and on the total I would have around 27 such days I can spend with you… but to think of it, this wait isn’t very painful… I know that deep down you are thinking about me too, just as I am about you.

Missing you…
I love you.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


I was readIng a novel around a year ago. "A bag of bones" by Stephen KIng. The protagonIst there was a wrIter and I swear to the Holy Cows he suffered from , what they call a "WrIter's Block" for around 120 pages. 

It was a major task belIeve me, to get past those 120 pages. I slogged day and nIght for hIm to get over hIs dead wIfe and start wrItIIng. By the one hundredth page I thought I was suffeIng from a "Reader's Block". I couldn't go on a step further. But then I saw 'Courage the Cowardly Dog' on CN and I was InspIred. I went ahead wIth It and found out that the guy fInds a new babe wIth a kId In the country. 

Well the story really took off from there. WIth a lots of twIsts and turns and a lot of "Spooky" actIon It had a bIttersweet endIng. 

Why am I tellIng you all thIs?? I don't really know. I've been held on GunPoInt to wrIte somethIng. There's a lot goIng on at present... 

1) IndIa Is on a wInnIng streak agaInst England In the ODI serIes. 

2) Its almost December and I've not yet seen wInter. One of the reasons I don't lIke B'bay. Btw Its been almost a year and a half... :( 

3) "Job's a joke n I'm broke" Is to be the background lIne of my professIonal lIfe. 

4) I've been very 'happy happy gay gay' sInce quIte a few months now... but then "Dostana" released... and I've been very 'happy happy' sInce quIte a few months now. 

5) I celebrated my bIrthday a few days back. StartIng It wIth a lovely wIsh, to cuttIng pastrIes to openIng gIfts to recIvIng awesome testImonIal to goIng out wIth a frIend to a dInner wIth the famIly. 

6) I've been actIng very "out of the normal" these days. *detaIls not to be gIven* 

7) Bombay (btw I lIke It better than MumbaI) Is under a terrorIst attack. Its been more than 24 hours and the fIght Is stIll on. Its stupId and horrIble. The bIggest terrorIst attack on IndIa tIll date. 

8) I'm excIted about a lot of stuff, and more excIted about the others. 9) I'm tryIng to wrIte but I dunno why.. I can't.. MIght be sufferIng from a "WrIter's Block"...!!! 

Just thought you should know.. 

Btw... How ya doIn...?

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Peer Pressure

Its not somethin you read about in books
Its bigger meaner and a lot worser than it looks

You often don't recogonize
The simplest forms of this
cause the pressure's almost always disguised.

"Go on. Take a smoke"
Thats not peer pressure
We're not dumb enough to dope

"Cancel plans with your mom
Go with us instead"
A Seemingly insignificant sentence.
But darlings, thats peer pressure

'Talk to her or hang out with us'
We're given the choice
we still don't know who to trust

Friends or family?
The decision's impossible.
But thats what we're expected to make.
Now tell me
Why are we quiet about this
Almost making it seem like its acceptable

"Forget that look,
you look bad.
Don't bother us with your poems
They're always about when you feel sad"

That may not be sentences from our friends
But its pressure anyway
Cause our talents are supprsesed
Our dreams are pulled away

Monday, October 20, 2008


Everyone has deep dark secrets in life which would slowly, secretly, at intervals, grow onto them like a shadow less parasite, sketching itself onto your present, so it not only affects your past but also your present and if not destroyed, your future.
What is this ghost which threatens our conscious? Why do we have to hide it away in the attics of memory and try to forget it forever? Why should we do anything which would allow itself to turn into our Achilles’ heel? After all every fear is a weakness and every weakness our personal enemy.
So where does this feeling of guilt, regret, or sorrow come from? Is it unconscious acceptance of your conscious mistakes? Well how do we cope up with these tiny little issues? I think a good way is by letting it all out! Write a song, an article (like I am trying to) paint something which would represent your past and would thus make it an attic outside your memory frame.
Some of us may feel that spilling the beans or letting it all out is unnecessary when the boat is safe and sound, I personally am the same sort of creature, why rock the boat I would say, but the past few days has actually got me thinking (extra time is dangerous!) all this hiding from yourself and not facing up to few facts would only bring one down emotionally, so here I am planning to tell u few things about my life…

1-Naveen- well well well! Here is a perfect example of high school drama, puppy love and fake friends!
Just like in all beautiful romantic high school musical shit movies my story has the hero (in this case Naveen; who also happens to be the asshole in the end), the leading lady (yea! That’s my cue) and the best friend (let’s call her Varsha). In this beautiful story about teenage love we have the backdrop of a school (a very noisy one!) the lady meets the guy, they become friends, the best friend is the new arrival in class, the lady and the friend become friends, the guy likes the lady, the lady likes the guy too, the best friend likes the guy, the lady leaves school goes to another city, the guy still says he likes her and then! Just when the lady is about to agree with the guy about how she likes him her best friend happens to call her up and tell her that the guy asked her out!
At 13, yes! That hurt!
Oh well! Varsha then got to know Naveen’s playboy antics and showed him the door and when poor little baby came back to his first love guess what she did?
Ok ok! I sort of took revenge in a sweeter way…
Varsha and me are still good friends and we have fun by making fun of Naveen whenever we can.

2- Hemant- aah! This is more recent, we sort of jumped on the bandwagon way too fast, we met, we flirted, and we fell in love (ok! I dunno attraction? Yea may be, but then please do remember, SHIT HAPPENS!). I really could never figure out what went wrong between us, may be there was never anything there… we just liked the idea of being together, so it all came to an end one fine day, without any warnings, no signals, just a dead end.
Can’t say I was devastated or anything in the beginning, but hell yeah! I was crushed, never showed it to anyone, just got involved with my friends, my life and all the important stuff to do, and I pushed this memory so far away that now it doesn’t feel like anything at all, just a period of my life when things were an illusion, and I am glad it’s over.

So that’s two things I hid from everyone, now that I say it out loud you may think there was nothing to it. But then I dunno why I had to hide it, may be because at one point it did mean something to me. Right now in life I have everything I could ask for and even more!
Am I happy? I am delighted! Just an occasional shadow here and there… a few cobwebs which need to be cleaned and I feel all new and fresh!
Confessions are a way of life.

*all names have been changed, except mine. I surprisingly am still Lavanya Snigdha.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The internet wasn't working...

Life seems to be so beautiful, so very perfect that even things which should be bothering me don’t anymore! Gosh! Thinking of that my daily itinerary should tell you how practically jobless I am.
9:30/10 – wake up.
11:00 – breakfast.
11:15 – look around the house/ see if my belongings are right where I left them last night.
11:17- think.
11:18- switch the comp on.
11:25 – bloody thing is finally on!
11: 27- get into gtalk.
11:28 – look around.
11:29 – get bored.
11:30- sign into the orkut account.
11:31 – get bored.
11:45 – sign out of gtalk and orkut.
11:46- curse a lot.
11:50- call a friend.
12:00- friend coming home goes get dressed.
12:15 – sitting.
12:17- this is the time when I look at the clock to know what the time is.
12:20 – friend comes home.
12:35- friend goes online.
12:36- thinks; did this person actually wanna come meet me?
12: 40 – kicks friend out of the house.
12:41 – mom kicks me out!

I actually don’t remember what I do for the rest of the day but I sure get entertained! Most of it means I am walking around on the streets with my two equally jobless friends, making fun of everyone and everything we see. Then later on in the afternoon we somehow manage to squeeze in an hour for lunch and then head to the movies.
The evenings are purely meant for intellectual talks! So am pretty busy then. Then its time for more walking and talking and going in to the book store and looking at guys, and a little more talking and finally! I’m home!!! It’s around 9 by then.

9:30- dinner.
TV time!!!
11:15- go online.
2:15 – feel tired and exhausted and sleepy.
2:30- go to sleep.

And if you guys are wondering where in this busy schedule did I find the time to write all this? Well the internet isn’t working today. And my friend is late…

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I think therefore I don’t want to be…

“I think therefore I am” was coined by the mathematician Descartes, but where does thinking take us, I don mean the common sense and thinking about daily stuff, where does thinking about deeper meanings in life and general philosophies of life take us. Does it really give us satisfaction, I have considered myself an avid thinker all my life (at least from the age of 12), I used to write a lot and it liberated me, and the knowledge of why most things happen and the satisfaction of my perspective to life was fulfilling and life was great. But as you grow you have a lot of life experiences which makes you think deeper and finally I have come to realize that life isn’t fair and whatever the system, God or even if we are inside the matrix, is not fair, I have given a lot of thought to it, but since life is not fair where does it take us, what should we believe in?

This is a question which I haven’t had an answer to, once we realize human folly and the materialism of the world, we go into the downward spiral of pessimism, and it is damn hard to get out of that, and how did I reach this conclusion because I think, so thinking has made me lose hope in life and us as a species.

Why is emotional pain more than physical pain? Scientifically physical pain has reasons, but how do we measure emotional pain and loss, we can say that physical injuries heal and most of the emotional injuries only heal after a period of time. Even if we have a scar we don’t feel pain, but on sight of that scar we experience the pain that we went through, its our memories that is holding us back, so it would be ideal if we could wake up each day and live as if nothing bad has happened…its easier said than done

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the beach alone (ive been blessed to live in a place where there are beautiful beaches), I jus sat there for a while, n started thinking, suddenly I felt lik running into the water, the weather was cloudy, the water looked a beautiful shade of green-blue and I dived in with my tee and jeans on, the dozen or so people on the beach must have thought I was crazy, I jus didn care, I laughed to myself, kicked the sand, started swimming, ridin the waves till one really knocked the wind out of me, but I was so happy, I didn’t have a care in the world, it was an exhilarating experience, after I came out, people were smiling, not laughing coz somehow I infused some happiness in their life by my antics. Then went and picked up my mother from the airport, she was really shocked and didn’t even say a word, coz it didn matter.

In these fleeting moments I find real happiness, where I enjoy the simple things in life, when I did not think, its gave me hope, always rejoice and marvel at the audacity of hope….its all we need


I was just watching the bucket list and there’s this scene in which Edward’s watching a baseball match in the hospital and he asks Carter what he’s doing…
Carter says “scribbling.” “Scribbling what?” “oh nothing just scribbling” he says, and that line actually got me thinking; there are thousands of times in a week when I would want to write something down, something I would feel like telling people, but I never do that, why? I dunno. Its not like I don’t have the time, god forsake! But I know I have more time than anyone in the whole world… but then do I ever put it to proper use? The truthful answer, no.
Then I start thinking, what is writing to me? Why is it that whenever I think of something there’s an urgent need or rather a want to write things down? I think it fills up the void in me, I feel like my existence is rather, let me use the term, primary.
I have basic needs and I feel like all I do in my life is to fulfill them and do nothing in order to get what I want. The truth is when I write I feel complete, I feel like there is something worthwhile that I actually do, but then why don’t I when I know that I should be doing it? That again is something I could never understand about myself.
The need to express your thoughts should never die, not in a human at least, what then would differentiate us from an inanimate object?
Paulo Coelho in his book The Witch of Portobello says a human to tap his true potential and inner self needs to be able to concentrate on a task completely and should also be able to fill the blank void in between, the void in which one could think of unnecessary things. My life feels like that void, but when I do write, its objective all of a sudden, it’s as though I am filling my purposeless existence with a reason to go on.
To write is to look into myself, to search deeper, because being able to give words to your thoughts, is to give meaning to one’s soul, one’s living. I see people everyday who would say to me, “why do you waste your time thinking of such useless things?”
Surprisingly all I can do is laugh at them, I think to myself, “if only people realized what they could achieve by diving deep into themselves.”
So today all I do is try to put my thoughts out, its an outburst, a revolt against all I did till today, its to say I need words to fill my life, give them to me, and give me the power to fill the void when I want to.
To whom I say this, I do not know, all I wish is that I can satisfy it.
There are times of sudden insight that every person gets once in a while, and I should think that is when actually a person is truthful to themselves, these moments should give u happiness as to who you are what you do, but why do I feel hollow?
There’s this strange sort of emptiness within me. I have everything I need, but then there’s this restlessness inside me which is slowly eating me away, how do I pull myself out of this mess? Out of this whole lack of understanding of myself?
I should think the answer to that is the the most difficult task ever, which is to write. When one writes he needs to bring in meaning to every word he puts on paper, every word needs to shower enough meaning on to his thoughts so that what he wants to say has value.
Meaning is what I truly need, and this is the lock that I have been dying to destroy, and strangely, there’s this lightness I feel and I think I just lost a stone which was drowning me.
Search is a way of life.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Lost Innocence

Standing in the rain
Looking for a place I never had
Feeling such a loss
Pain is all I have

What is in my mind
No one ever knows
Such a lonely place
Is there anything left

All the memories
The feelings I had
Is it just a lie
Why so numb

When the heart is yearning
Can I just go
Live in tears
When can I live

Am I always awake
Living in delusions
Something's holding me
Embrace a new light

Something left to do
That is not me
Sirens blaring in my head
The fire consumes all

The moral dilemma
Can I walk away
Standing here alone
Lighting is all I can hope for


Sometimes i feel,
Like there is no love,
lost between us.
Nothing to end this torment,
nothing to ease the pain.
I see an invisible wall built
amidst us-
No tongue to my feelings,
A mute witness
to the drama of fate...

Times were when
I was with you,
And you made me feel whole.
Every moment spent
with you, my love,
is worth far more
than the price of life itself...

I know not what happened,
I know not the way,
for i walk in the dark
without your light
to lead me on,
here i stumble,
and then i pray...

Too many things have happened,
There is no looking back.
For seldom have i seen this,
lonelier than hade's crack.
I wish to be whole again,
never so incomplete,
but without your Midas touch
To be so, is asking too much...

You will not be mine,
for now, or forever.
To hope so, would be
my mistake, but my love
I choose to hope
and keep it burning until
my life, i give up.
For what better way is there
to say goodbye,
than with your name on my lips
And a final wishful sigh...

Saturday, October 11, 2008


the cockroaches are nocturnal 
as am i
my eternal love for the night
might never die

The clock's gone beyond 12,
i'm beginning to feel like myself
I pace my room over and over
embracing the peace,loving myself

I'll never wish i was somebody else
for i just too much love myself
as long as i have with me
the love of the night
the spirit in my heart
and the love for myself
will never die 

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Things we take for granted

its just weird how we take so many things for granted... we look high and low for happiness without realising that its often in front of us. Heres a few things we take for granted... Just take a second to enjoy these moments and i promise you*, you'll be happy

1.Watching the rain with a mug of steaming hot chocolate
2.Seeing how happy your doggy or pet is when you feed it
3.Hugging your friends
4.Running up to somebody you've known for a long time but haven't had the time to talk to and suddenly wrapping your arms around them and hugging them hard... i've experienced this... i still hold the moment with me and it felt amazing.
5.Just hugging somebody :)
6.Watching the sunrise/sunset, with a cuppa coffe :)
7.Listening to your favourite song on the radio
8.Talking on the phone
9.Someone calling you up at some wee hour of the morning or somebody just calling you up just so they can hear your voice
10.Someone bursting with excitement to see you
11.Somebody's smile making you feel better. Even if that somebody happens to be a stranger
12.Somebody hugging you from behind
13.Food fights! lol
14.Dancing to your favourite song (even if you can't dance to save your life)
15.Getting a suprise when you least expect it
16.Sombody doing something nice for you

I could go on forever... but i'm terribly hungry right now... ^_^

*Terms and conditions apply :P

Monday, September 29, 2008

look what i found today!



I’ve always believed that this little space of mine would be to take my mind off things and that I could share the arbit non sense that goes on in my head for the world to see. I started it off with some general writing, and then I ran out of steam. Then my life started getting boring. Nothing worth posting on the blog. When there WAS something that I could post, I dilly dallied and now it’s lost its relevance… Many things like that… Many of my outings, the state level quiz I hosted, the many things that’s been happening in my life and stuff like that.

But what’s been disturbing me recently is, what’s going on with the country in general. From the god knows what 123 nuclear deal to the attacks on Christian establishments to the Tata’s pull out of Singur and the awful bomb blasts.

The Christian issue is what I’d like to put forth here.

In Karnataka, politics is at its worth. Our politicians here are the most dangerous scoundrels any administration has had the misfortune to see. The Hand and the Flower go head to head on ANY issue.

Here’s what happened. Some inflammatory articles claimed to be published by some new life thingy shows some of our gods in bad light. Like calling urvashi a prostitute and stuff like that. Now, I consider my religion equivalent to my mother. If anyone is misbehaving with your mother, will you sit back and think of human rights and secular and shit like that, and wait for ‘law’ to take ‘action’ or will you go ahead and beat the living daylights out of whoever is doing that?

Let me put it this way: There was a great deal of hullaboo created when police fired at violent farmer crowds at a village in Bihar recently. Their contention is that the farmers were innocent and that they were only ‘venting their ire’. If these farmers are ‘innocent’ according to some, then why on earth are some passionate individuals who vent their ire on an organization berating their religion considered communalists and shown in bad light?

The honorable opposition here in Karnataka are asking for organizations like the VHP and RSS to be banned. I say, when we have organizations like the Indian Mujahedeen and the SIMI to take care of, can we honestly be justified to be wasting time on silly issues like this?

Is the archbishop justified in speaking to the head of the state in that fashion?

One of the articles says ‘Rama could not distinguish between a real and golden deer. He who has no discretion cannot save you’. How will they react if we say ‘He, who could not even save his OWN life, cannot save yours too?’

Let’s face it… we’re a country run by sissies

Here are some ways we can get out of the mess our country is in:

# Get every politician who is above the age of 65 or has a educational qualification less than a master’s degree to retire, or put a bullet in his/her head.

# Bounce those misbehaving politicians out on their asses.

# for heaven’s sake, they’re not royalty. No need for traffic blocks when they’re moving about the city. They DON’T need a motorcade.

# chewing paan in the House must be banned. Madam President, are you listening?

# Line up all those ‘leaders’ who have criminal cases against them, ask them to quit, or send a bullet through their heads.

# likewise, line up all those criminals on death row, and put a bullet through their heads. Clemency can go to hell.

# All those officials caught taking bribe, line them up and put a bullet in their head. No, TWO bullets just to be sure.

# legalize prostitution like some countries, and get those police force who waste time on ‘flesh trade’ to catch terrorists and other dangerous criminals.

# Afzal Guru for example… Put a bullet in his head as soon as possible. And all the other terrorists the police have managed to catch.

Pretty harsh, yes, but its about time somebody did something!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Well.. these are some home remedies I got via mail.. I believe they'll b of use to everyone..
Do use these.. for a Blissful life...

1. If you are
choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you wake up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

12. Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Philosophy, God and Destiny...

My take on philosophy is pretty simple... u can't make sense outta something... philosophise it...!

that's what my friend does, one day i asked him if there was rain when the gods piss... when is there snow?

his reply to that was pretty philosophical, he said (in a mystic tone) "child! there's a goddess up there who makes crappy thingies outta wool and she send it down as snow..." now why didn't I ever think of that?!?!?!

No wonder the ratio of sheep reared to woollen products produced never match....

but i still wonder what they mean when they say, " it was all written before we were born..."

THIS line troubles me a LOT! and when i say a lot... i mean a lot...

what do they imply?!?!?

that we are just puppets and that some mighty bearded fellow decides what we are to do??!?!

i sneeze... so that was written all long back too?
that god dude must be pretty jobless if he can control such minute things... or he must be billion sigma or something never to make any mistakes...!

personally... i think destiny is crap; there's no such thing called destiny, no matter what one does it was all ones own doing. Its the wimps who make up reasons like destiny for their failure, and if u blame your success on destiny, then you aren't giving yourself enough credit!

and the thing about god?
does he exist?
where is the mighty lord?
what does he do in his free time?
does he like Al Pacino?

such questions still bother me... and i think if i ever have to achieve nirvana and god-knows-what-not! to get answers to these questions... I'd rather give it a rest and finish my assignments on time... more of a worthwhile exercise...

and that's that.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Nose rings and general blah blah bitching....

WOW! its been a really long time since i've been here and maan i'm like totally clueless abt wats going on! anyway...i guess i need to keep y'all reminded that i'm alive and awake. 

Well its nearly a month since my b'day... it was one of the most amazing birthdays i've ever had.... i got a new fastrack watch (courtesy my sis hating me old one), a calvin and hobbes collection,a bracelet and a chain and the cutest cellphone toy ever! (But that fell apart a week later and lets leave it at that) and a BLUEBERRY  CHEESECAKE as a b'day cake (PICS comin soon ;) ) and of amazing dinner at pizza hut with the entire staff singing happy b'day (well that was a bit embarassing but nice nevertheless)

So my life's been pretty irritating recently with me not having time for almost anything exccept studying,writing records...blah blah blah...i'm somehow trying to find time to do the stuff i really wanna do like listen to music or just chill in my room.

Arthi started working recently so me seeing a lot less of her and i'm starting to miss her like hell :( 
and arjun too! its been soooo long since we last talked... 

I got a nose ring threw a fit thinking i'd actually pierced my nose. Had to calm her down and convince her that i haven't got my nose pierced......YET......................................... ;)

Anyways....heres the most recent updates-
1)I got a nose ring
2)Might be getting my ears pierced soon
3)i sOOOOOOOOOOO want a tattoo!
4)I study like....hell.. :|
5)3 morons thought that i couldn't actually write the songs i'd written in my diary
6)Archana is my soul sis!
7)School is a right pain in the neck and there should be a ban on it!!!
8)I was wrong about my physics teacher liking me :|
9)Apparently half the guys hate me for god knows wat reason
10)I'm trying to get a band together 
11)I'm the drummer
12)Archana on guitar
13)Levis skinny jeans are something i can't really live without
14)Junk food sickens me but thats not really new now is it
15)I wear kaajal

Oh and before i go....who the hell is lavanya? (new author)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dream on a SleeplesS NighT

You never know how the best things in life can throw your life over. Like sipping coffee in a coffee house or like watching a movie. How you had never imagined yourself doing something because you thought it’s lame or impractical and you end up doing just the same. It’s wonderful how the next step you’ll take can just leave you clueless about yourself. And you can’t do anything about it and that’s the worst part.

How childish is falling for a movie star? And not just falling falling, but falling so hard that you don’t know what hit you or what you’ve hit. And it’s so whimsical that you can’t do anything about it neither it’s possible to get out of it.

I know it because it has happened with me. My big mistake… watching Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na (JTYJN).

You’d have guessed who I’m in love with. And for the dumbasses who didn’t, its Genelia D’souza.
Laugh all you can but I’m clueless about what I’m doing here you know. I’ve had crazy fits about actresses before also. Okay well, I’ve had sophisticated fits about actresses before too. But this is completely out of the world. In its literal sense. How’d you explain me having her wallpapers on my cell phone? Both the screens (Nokia 6131… I’ve to get a new one though. its in ruins…).I‘ve always thought of putting a celebrity wallpaper on one’s cell phone as lame. And I’ve actually taken all the pains to get wallpapers from internet to my laptop. And believe me, I’m very lazy.
Anyways the point is that I’ve fallen or if you want to call it a crush, I’ve a huge uncontrollable crush on Genelia. And the worst part is that she has no idea. Well I know it’s nothing new for her. But it’s new for me. And a huge thing on top of that. I mean, how often does that happen. With me? Never.

So now the state is that I’m flipping TV channels to find videos featuring her. Shuffling the radio channels just to listen to JTYJN’s songs. I mean it’s weird. I know you know. But I don’t know how to get out of it.

I mean let’s face it. I’d never be able to meet her let aside the prospect of anything else. She is a movie star. A MOVIE STAR for god’s sake. What the hell was I thinking?

Well nothing at all. It just happened. And worst part is that I can’t do anything about it. I’m not at all famous; I have passable looks and no money at all. What good am I. I should’ve had a lot of money, should’ve born next door to Genelia. Ah... whims at its best. I’m letting out a secret. I wouldn’t have been able to ask her out even then. Damn it..! I’m of no use.

I know I’m a grown up and I don’t drink milk out of a bottle, though I like to eat milk powder out of the box every now and then. Anyways its very amusing you know. Sometimes being whimsical isn’t very bad. Here it’s sweet. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get out of it but every time I think about getting out of it one thought flashes across my mind’s darkness. Can’t “Mast (Aftab & Urmila)” and Notting Hill (Hugh & Julia) be possible in real life?

I wish I had a magic wand. Hell if my wishes are coming true. I wish my wishes about Genelia come true.

Anyways… a precautionary measure to be taken by all of you: “Don’t be an ass and never fall for a movie start. And even if you do, wish that it’ll be somebody not as beautiful, as pretty, as cute, as awesome, as charming, as amazing and as unforgettable as Genelia.”

And yeah... pray for me... I’ve only got one life……

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The lone rose

The single rose

stood in its field

watching the sky turn dark

she had served her use

when she was alive

but now her time had passed

She felt her energy


as her petals

let go of their smell

her leaves went limp

and she could hardly tell

light from dark

The lone rose

stood in her field

watching the world

go dark

she had tried to smile

through death

but now her time had passed

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The start of a zillion problems

Okay...we've all heard about arjun's famous vodafone rhapsody but have you heard about the not so famous aishwarya's start of a zillion problems?
 I guessed not. some of y'all know, i'm an airCel subscriber. Yes i know that'll invoke a lot of blank looks thats cuz aircel is only in TN...its called spice telecom in all other places and it has to be the worst network in the history of bad networks... So heres the start of a zillion problems.

9 p.m:I'm happily chatting away to one of my best friends and she gets ready to tell me a piece of totally juicy gossip and all off a sudden.
The line goes dead.

The balance notification comes up... I just lost 4 bucks talking to her. No big. 

Then she calls back. "Hey Aish what...." She never gets to finish the sentence. Last call duration:4 seconds. Errm...okay then. I call her again. 

"Sorry bout that,the line got tell me!" i say eagerly. "Yeah you won't believe this but...." 
Three short omnious beeps.
"Hello? Hello?" I look at my phone. The black butterfly wallpaper stares back at me. Grrr...

Okay i call back. "Archie..Archie are you there?" I say after i hear a hello. All of a sudden a male voice begins talking about his road trip to chandigarh(with "tashan" style englees) and i get totally freaked out and cut the call.

%@#$#%#$#@#@ (that was me hurling abuses shortly after i dropped my phone in surprise cause it suddenly freaking vibrated in my ear)

"Archie are you talking to somebody else?" I say after the male voice stops. "Aish" she says. "Yes?" 
"I freaking told you i'm alone at home!"
Cross talk! **%*$$**%*$

So i cut the call and call her back again and finally..we manage to talk for about 9 minutes after which the call gets cut again. The balance notification thing pops up again and apparently i've lost (approx)7 rupees of my balance (it might be more or less... I don't really remember people)

"Hey boi, u gotta text message" my phone omniously sings. (Don't ask) and apparently archie got fed up of the poor network and she decides to head to sleep.

O.M.F.G.(THATs not in a good way)

So i head off to sleep too. Next morning my sis calls customer care(shes an aircel victim too) and asks why the network is so poor. She puts the phone on speaker so i can hear and i have never heard a lamer explanation.

He mumbles something about two towers' signals interfering with each other and suddenly the line gets cut...AGAIN..

I make a trip to the aircel office and the guy ends up mumbling something abt him being responsible only for recharges and something about hellotunes.

So i did what every other aircel victim would do in times of difficulty.

I switched to airtel

Thursday, May 15, 2008


This post comes straight from the heart, and on impulse... this last week has been my god so varied for me i still cant come to proper terms with it..
#Thanks a lot Aishwarya for actually calling me up and talking to me when i was lying face down on the terrace all broken and shaken and giving me strength.
# Thanks a lot Pooja for being there even when you're not there and helping me through all this mess and giving me reasons to live.
# Thanks a lot Bharath for giving me a place to stay in Bangalore when i needed to get out of this city so badly
# Thanks a lot Nitin, Vaseem and Harsha for the awesome time we had on Vaseem's b'day.. it cheered me up so much.
# Thanks a lot Shamitha for making it to the meeting and making me feel better, and for the ride to Aunt's place :)
# Thanks a lot Pruthwik for coming over to meet us and for the company
# Thanks a lot Shashank for breakfast and the ride to the bus stand
# Thanks a lot Nikethana for wasting a valuable "rare free sunday afternoon" and talking to me and making me feel better.
# Thanks a lot Bharath for driving us all up 7 floors of the parking lot.
# Thanks a lot Ranjani for talking all the teasing with not too much dignity, but yet taking it ;)
# Thanks a lot Bharath for all the pep talk and gyaan.
# Thanks a lot Zainab for being the chirpy happy thing that you are :))
# Thanks a lot Varsha for meeting us after 9 years and making my day.
# Thanks a lot Prateek and Ananya for agreeing to try and help with the Orkut problem
# Thanks to you again for offering to come down here for the weekend and giving me something to look forward to :)
# Thanks a lot Vidya akka for hearing me out and being the pillar i lean on always
# Thanks a lot Pooja for calling up waking me up at 2 am and making me feel alive.
# Thanks a lot Manasa for calling up and keeping me company all afternoon :)
Thanks to everyone else who have always shown me encouragement and love and stopping by and trying to pick me up whenever i'm down...
Thank you :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Beautiful girl

Hey Beautiful girl
Don’t eat that much
Hey beautiful girl
You’ll never be good enough

Don’t think I don’t know
Where all the food you eat goes
Hey beautiful girl
You’re so stupid
To your beliefs
Stay rooted

Hey beautiful girl
Don’t be such a bitch
Be careful girl
Don’t get too deep into the mix

Beautiful girl
Who do you think you’re fooling
Beautiful girl can’t you see its not working
Those voices will always tell you
That you’re not good enough

Beautiful girl
Step out of your shell
Your beautiful inside out
And you know it well

I’ll dry your eyes
I’ll wipe your tears away
Just give me your hand
And have the faith
That I can make you feel okay
I can’t bear to see you suffer
I understand your mental torture

I know about that strong self hate
You hold in your heart for everyone to see
I understand how you feel
Every time you see
Fattening pizzas
And calorie-crammed ice cream sundaes

So stop trying to be
A  fashion magazine imitation
You should honor yourself
For being god’s best creation

Beautiful girl
Hold my hand
Together we’ll find
A reality that’s a lot less cold

Forget those other girls
Forget about them
You’re better than them
It doesn’t matter what they say
All that matters
Is how you feel and the way you think

Ignore those voices
Break free
From the chains they bind you with

Your beautiful as you are
I promise thee
That I’ll always be there
And when you think everyone hates you
Just remember that I care

Beautiful girl
Take my hand
You’ll be just fine
I’ll spend with you
All my time
Just to make sure
That you’re all right


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Yaaaaaahoo [-X

AAAARRGGHH!!!.... * thump thump *
* bang bang * rrrrrrrrrrrr {chainsaw} *
This is a fairly accurate description of my feelings towards a product by one of the world's leading companies... A company on the verge of being taken over by a bully... A product that i was using since the past 7 months without too much trouble.
Yes you probably guessed it wrong :P, I'm talking to the famous Yahoo Messenger.
Why Am i expressing violent feelings towards it? Pure and simple...

It conked.

And man, did it conk Big time...

Ok, here's what happened...
Two days ago, bright and sunny, i connected to the net. Checked my scraps, spent some time on Typeracer, answered a few e mails, then feeling a little jobless by then, just clicked on the messenger icon.

The empty box, then gradual filling of it, My ID and Password already waiting there, the next second a happy face saying "signing in as arjun.buffon {invisible}" all that happened without a hitch.
Then,it all started foing wrong...
4 out of my 21 contacts were online, each in their various activities like busy or stepped out or doing nothing...
So i just clicked on the person doing nothing...
Just when the IM box started appearing, a strange clinging sound...
Like a message from God
" You will now pay for your sins son..."

* script error... not enough storage... blah... still want to run scripts?*
Two options.. Yes..No..
Death or Persecution.
What did i choose?.... Being the brave heart i am, clicked "Yes"
Apparently they have a system to remove the flash in the pan bravery.
Same box, this time citing some other mumbo jumbo numbers..
"Yes" ? or "No" ?
I took a deep breath and said
Another box!!!
Me: For the love of God!!!.. Just get on with what you have to do will you???
* presses "yes" around ten times *
The evil is vanquised.
All hail me...
But wait...
Something's not right...
The audibles smileys photo sharing nothing!.. poof! vanish...
I type "hi there" in the text box, and my finger hovers over the return key... Then i brace myself and hit the button...

God again

* script error.. Yahoo is not valid *

Me: #%^((*%$#(*$#$!!$^&*
{for the benefit of the young readers, I am reproducing the toned down, "clean" version of what i'm saying below}

What? Micosoft bought Yahoo and killed it already??

I for once, keep my head on and do the logical thing.
I tried to copy the error code , but no. Apparently Yahoo dosent like its dirty linen washed in its backyard so no cant do sorry...

I go to the messenger website.. Notice there's a new version of messenger out.
Hey these big corporations rectify their bugs in the old ones while coming out with their new products right? why dont i try it?

Alright then..... * fast forward*.. summary of fast forwarded period: Congrats, I'm the owner of the brand new, slick, cool, Messenger 9.
Right.. on to business..
*signing in*
{I'm actually beginning to enjoy the new interface...}
There.. all signed in.. cool.. new type of buttons and all...
And then...
Horrors of all horrors...
My sins are not purged, and the ghosts not exorcised.
* script error...blah..* In a more stylish, almost "na na na na naah" box..
The silent transfer of my hair to my hand begins...
* Fast forward *
I keep hitting the yes's and finally learn that the other person is getting my messages, but i cant see either what i have typed or what she is saying...
Fun no?
* Fast forward *
I accept my defeat for the time being and seek help from the knowledgable...
Yahoo's help site for messenger 9 has a biiig article starting with " Be assured that yahoo is aware of a script error"... thats having us from our backsides and we are recievng many bombs in our mail because of this error, and we dont take that much pride in ruining other's lives...
They have asked us unfortunate ppl hand chosen by Yahoo to download a few releases of macromedia flash player and some java andsome other stuf..
Busted my already fast depleting bandwidth on every single one of those boon-on-demand softwares...
Honestly, all you people out there, how many of you actually expect it to work after all this?
question your hearts my dear fellow humans.
I can sense the majority of you dear readers sharing my plight and feelings in the emphatic "NO" forming on your lips...
Yes, it was worse than ever.
And Pooja, {refer last post} chose to come online at this time...
So here i Am.. standing behind a one way portal of communication.
I've tried rectifying it, looked in various forums, learnt that many many people around the world are facing the same problem...
But for now, I'm stranded. No IM ing.. :((
I'm not even mentioning the other disgusting stuff. wait, let me just do.
They wanted me to be signed in to get to the help central part of their site,
so one page asking for my password appeared, with some long winded explainatio of why i'm being asked for a password.
What it dint say was they would ask my password over and over again.
It got stuck in some endless loop... the help page would load, immediately followd by the password page. amazing...

So here's the predicamant i am in...
Any way out?

P.S: I tried their Web Messenger thingy.. here's what came.
and later is how Yahoo troubles me...

There are somethings money CAN buy...

For some reason i seem to be obsessed with this statement. There is nothing very extraordinary about this sentence. Remember those old preachy statements which told you money cant buy love, money cant buy sleep. money cant buy you god etc.. Lets go one step further and look at some things money CANT really buy us.
1.Money cannot buy us useless junk mail and spam from unheard of companies and f(r)iends.
2.Getting a virus on your computer which erases all data(including those naughty things you downloaded without anyone knowing...) certainly cant buy us the experience of running out of petrol in the middle of nowhere.
4.Money cannot buy you the amazing experience of getting caught while bunking by the principal.
5.Money can buy you better results. Money cant buy you worse results.That is a job for VTU.
6.Money can get you healthcare in a hospital.It cant get you a date with the hot nurse.
7.Money can buy you condoms.It cannot buy you friends who punch holes in it.
8.MoNEy CanNoT GeT You sCraPs LikE ThIs iN OrkUt
9.Money can get your work done in government offices.What it cant do is get your homework done by you( cant bribe yourself)
10.Money can take you to switzerland. It cannot create an avalanche and save the world(think tubelight,think)
11.Money can get you a rotten tomato to throw at someone. money cannot get someone to throw tomatoes at you(It comes under social service.100% tax exemption)
12.Money cannot get you a mother or a father. It can get you the shop uncle or aunty to act like them if the principal calls.
13.Money certainly cannot buy me. An inexhaustible diamond mine can.
14.Money cannot torture you into reading this blog. That is a job for jobless man.defender of joblessness and boredom(Guess who?)
15.You are stupid.Just like me.(this is a message in the interval,nothing to do with the topic at hand)
16.Money cannot buy you 'a' girlfriend. It can buy you lots of them.
17. Money is like the system.The more you have,the more you are expected to have.It cannot buy you liberation.
18.Money cannot buy you money.
19.Money cannot buy you great friends.(No more comments.surprise.surprise)
20.Lastly, money cant make you change who you are.The laws of the universe are inscrutable.In short, it means we are doomed.

And hell, if money is the root of all evil and people tell you to avoid it like the plague, why is it that there is a god for money??
Think my dear friends, and if you felt inspired to get rid of your pocket money, contact me on