Monday, October 20, 2008


Everyone has deep dark secrets in life which would slowly, secretly, at intervals, grow onto them like a shadow less parasite, sketching itself onto your present, so it not only affects your past but also your present and if not destroyed, your future.
What is this ghost which threatens our conscious? Why do we have to hide it away in the attics of memory and try to forget it forever? Why should we do anything which would allow itself to turn into our Achilles’ heel? After all every fear is a weakness and every weakness our personal enemy.
So where does this feeling of guilt, regret, or sorrow come from? Is it unconscious acceptance of your conscious mistakes? Well how do we cope up with these tiny little issues? I think a good way is by letting it all out! Write a song, an article (like I am trying to) paint something which would represent your past and would thus make it an attic outside your memory frame.
Some of us may feel that spilling the beans or letting it all out is unnecessary when the boat is safe and sound, I personally am the same sort of creature, why rock the boat I would say, but the past few days has actually got me thinking (extra time is dangerous!) all this hiding from yourself and not facing up to few facts would only bring one down emotionally, so here I am planning to tell u few things about my life…

1-Naveen- well well well! Here is a perfect example of high school drama, puppy love and fake friends!
Just like in all beautiful romantic high school musical shit movies my story has the hero (in this case Naveen; who also happens to be the asshole in the end), the leading lady (yea! That’s my cue) and the best friend (let’s call her Varsha). In this beautiful story about teenage love we have the backdrop of a school (a very noisy one!) the lady meets the guy, they become friends, the best friend is the new arrival in class, the lady and the friend become friends, the guy likes the lady, the lady likes the guy too, the best friend likes the guy, the lady leaves school goes to another city, the guy still says he likes her and then! Just when the lady is about to agree with the guy about how she likes him her best friend happens to call her up and tell her that the guy asked her out!
At 13, yes! That hurt!
Oh well! Varsha then got to know Naveen’s playboy antics and showed him the door and when poor little baby came back to his first love guess what she did?
Ok ok! I sort of took revenge in a sweeter way…
Varsha and me are still good friends and we have fun by making fun of Naveen whenever we can.

2- Hemant- aah! This is more recent, we sort of jumped on the bandwagon way too fast, we met, we flirted, and we fell in love (ok! I dunno attraction? Yea may be, but then please do remember, SHIT HAPPENS!). I really could never figure out what went wrong between us, may be there was never anything there… we just liked the idea of being together, so it all came to an end one fine day, without any warnings, no signals, just a dead end.
Can’t say I was devastated or anything in the beginning, but hell yeah! I was crushed, never showed it to anyone, just got involved with my friends, my life and all the important stuff to do, and I pushed this memory so far away that now it doesn’t feel like anything at all, just a period of my life when things were an illusion, and I am glad it’s over.

So that’s two things I hid from everyone, now that I say it out loud you may think there was nothing to it. But then I dunno why I had to hide it, may be because at one point it did mean something to me. Right now in life I have everything I could ask for and even more!
Am I happy? I am delighted! Just an occasional shadow here and there… a few cobwebs which need to be cleaned and I feel all new and fresh!
Confessions are a way of life.

*all names have been changed, except mine. I surprisingly am still Lavanya Snigdha.


Darth Vin Ode said...

good explanation about fear! fear is a very corrupt ally of the foe! but if u can use it with will on others thats an awesome power :D

Sorcerer said...

Dreams.....Dreams has a nasty habit of turning bad when you are not looking..

lookin where?

letter shredder said...

i have a post of the same title :o