Thursday, February 5, 2009

Disillusionment

Its been a while since i last made a post.

Been very busy with exams and Job.

First time im blogging to take my mind of things.
My situation in life is like being trapped in a maze. There are lots of ways and every path leads to a goal, but i can only reach one goal when there are many to be achieved and whichever goals i neglect will land me in hot water with others.

My Situation: My sis had a baby girl on Jan 18, she had a C-section so she cant climb stairs. My mom who is a lecturer in a college has taken leave till feb.24 to take care of sis and baby. My bro in law is from bombay and he comes to town when his job allows him (he works in bombay too). My father is a surgeon and he has a lot of health problems. My mother too is afflicted with arthritis and rheumatism in knees. And 2 days ago my grandma (moms mom) is diagnosed with breast cancer. Today the report says that the cancer is malignant and initial findings suggest that the cells are already in the bloodstream. BIG PROBLEM, now chemo and other radiation therapy is imminent. My grandma has nvr been hospitalised and she is not the kind of person who is of strong mind to withstand pain. Ive seen ppl who are stong willed being reduced to a shadow coz of chemo, it is very difficult. My mom is the only daughter and she is having pressure from all relatives who do nothin but find fault with others. They dont help out, they just sit on their couches and call my mom and tell her that she should do more, and talk among themselves and say that my mom is not takin cre of grandma. My grandma lives alone in her house which is 3 km frm my hse, she doest want to let go of the house evn though we tried to tell her to live with us after grandfathers death 2 yrs ago. Even if she does come here, we only have one bedroom on the ground floor, so it would be difficult to accomodate a person who has an operation and also radiation therapy is a room where there is a baby.And i have been trying to get into one of the top-20 B-schools in the country for 3 years, this year i finally got some interview calls, i only expected them to come in march but like a bolt from the blue, my first one is on Feb.17, along with this i have work as a marketing manager of my company, atleast i have some projects in my hometown, so at present i am @ home. There are some probs on the personal front too which is something im not evn thinkin about now, but it is also important.

My options:
1. Act oblivious to the situation @ home and continue with job and prepration for the interviews. My father sacrificed a lot of his career aspirations coz of resposnsibility towards parents, and he has been trying hard to insulate me from all this, obviously its every father's dream to see his son do well.

2. Take responsibility of taking care of grandma (in which i hav constraints as a male) and let my preparation suffer.

3. Taking care of the baby and sis and lettin mom go and stay with grandma which i dont think my mom is willing to do. And taking care of the baby is a lot harder.

4. Take leave from job, which would be unfair to company since they dont have their head of marketing due to his marriage. Already the company has given me everything in suport for my MBA aspirations which companies generally dont do.

Im just recaping a statement made by my mom today "Grandma is such a nice person, a good soul, why did this have to come to her". OK, i agree that this is a cliched statement but this happening to her at this moment in time is hard, most hardest for my mom. I always felt that there is a higher power, which most people call by the name GOD, though i dont believe in religion. 2008 was my worst year, coz of a lot of issues on the personal front, my life was in tatters at the end of 2008, and i had just picked myself up and learnt to cope with all the difficulties and challenges. Now this has caused me to have a total disullionment with the motives of God.

Is this a test? How the hell am i supposed to pass!!

"Life is really unfair, If it wasnt it would be called heaven" – Madhav :)

1 comment:

SenSeleSS Intelligence said...

dude...

life is a game in a way...
u have to pick up on your way...
give your best... fight.. and stay positive.. even if you know u won't get wat u want...

put up a smile.. and go ahead with a positive mindset..

you must be thinking.. "its all easy to say..."

i'll tell you wat.. its the
easiest thing i've done...
but the fight is yours... you make it tough.. and you make it easy..

Perspective..

Al the best bro.. hope life gives you the best of everything...